A Widow Must Look Like One: The Story Of Smriti Singh

A martyr’s wife was trolled, objectified and stereotyped resulting in a media trial. Veer Nari Smt. Smriti Singh experienced the horror of harsh comments and lewd comments on social media from netizens and in-laws. However, what is the reason behind the tale of sadness turning into a vile display of greed, slander, and conspiracy. 

The month of July filled our screens of a lady clad in white and golden saree posthumously accepting the Kriti Chakra for her husband Late Captain Anshuman Singh. Smriti Singh later opened about her beautiful 8 years relationship and her love at first sight. She takes a trip down the memory lane, talking about how intelligent he was and the long-distance relationship that strengthened their love. 

We saw her eyes brimming with tears that resonated with the entire nation and netizens’ sympathies kept piling online. While Indians behind their screens stood with Smriti, her in-laws came on camera expressing their discontent with Smriti leaving with their son’s Kriti Chakra and Rs. 1 Cr insurance, challenging the army demanding to be heard. 

Post the incident, the love and positiveness turned into hatred and whiff of conspiracy. However, the change in behaviour within a short span of time reflects the instilled patriarchy in our society and what it still expects from women. 

A “widow”? Then act like one

In a society gripped by extreme religious fervour, the idea of a widow living independently and financially self-sufficient is utterly foreign. She is expected to mourn publicly with her husband's family, clad in mourning attire, and be revered as a paragon of grief. However, if she dares to deviate from this prescribed path and assert her autonomy, she is instantly vilified and ostracized, called a ‘witch’.

As a society that is still chained by the shackles of patriarchy the stringent ideas about how widows must behave and look hasn’t faded away. Clothes, expressions, demeanour, and actions of a widow are closely observed and judged. Our Veer Nari Nari, went through the small scale and judged, much unfortunately. 

Smriti gained support till she was vulnerable and remembered her husband, but the moment she decided to take control of her life, the patriarchs came hounding. Soon her life became a spectacle of trolls and shame due to the media, politics and people who suddenly were interested in her life and finances. 

We often see that the responsibility to maintain the Indian tradition and culture often falls on the shoulders of women and everyone becomes an expert on family values and as most netizens nowadays say ‘Sanatan Dharma’. 

A time when a martyr’s wife should have been protected the most, was shamed all because she did not act like a ‘widow’. This shows that being a woman after their husband’s demise is vile and pitiable in India. 

The objectification and trolling did not stop at scandalous comments, it turned worse when netizens mistakenly presumed Reshma Sebastian to be Smriti Singh. The two women have similar hairstyles and features and then began a saga of judging. Social media gasped at how Smriti ‘a widow’ dared to flaunt her beauty on screen. 

The problem isn’t just about false identity but the presumption on how a widow must dress and act, and posing on screen definitely did not fit the check-list. The grief of a widow is unfortunately measured by her mannerisms and clothes. The reality was that the woman on camera wasn’t Smriti, but why doesn’t a woman have agency over her body? The harsh truth being, even today widows in India need to behave vulnerable and in tears. Their grief needs to be visibly apparent. 

What has the National Commission for Women (NCW) demanded?

The National Commission for Women (NCW) has issued a strong condemnation of Ahmad K. for his derogatory remarks targeting Smriti Singh. Based on a screenshot of the offensive comment, the commission has demanded swift and decisive action from the Delhi Police.

The NCW has called for the immediate filing of a First Information Report (FIR) against Ahmad K. and has emphasized the need for a thorough investigation into the matter. They have highlighted the potential for a jail term of up to three years and fines under relevant laws, underscoring the seriousness of the offense.

In addition to the FIR, the commission has requested a comprehensive report detailing the investigation's progress within three days. This report is expected to outline the steps taken to apprehend the accused and ensure that justice is served. The NCW's firm stance on the matter underscores the importance of protecting women's dignity and preventing online harassment.

"In light of the severity of the offence, the Commission has prima facie identified violations under the Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023, and the Information Technology Act, 2000. Section 79 of the Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, 2023, stipulates penalties for acts intended to insult the modesty of a woman, emphasising the need for decisive legal action," stated the NCW in its letter to the Delhi Police.

Captain Singh was laid to rest with full state honours in Bhagalpur, Bihar, on July 22, 2023, commemorated for his bravery and sacrifice in the line of duty.

What does a woman own?

Smriti’s scenario did not end with netizens judging her but extended to her home as well. Late Captain Anshuman Singh’s parents have alleged that Smriti has left ‘their’ house with the Kriti Chakra, Rs. 1 Cr and a photo album. Mr. Ravi Pratap and Manju Singh claimed that their daughter-in-law has chosen not to live with them anymore but receives most of the entitlements after their son’s death.  

Anshuman’s parents have alleged that Smriti soon after moved to her Gurdaspur home along with ‘their’ son’s clothes, photo album and Kriti Chakra. Manju Singh added, ‘On July 5, I attended the award ceremony at Rashtrapati Bhavan with Smriti. When we were leaving the event, upon the insistence of Army officers, I held Kirti Chakra for a photo once. But after that, Smriti took the Kirti Chakra from my hands.’

Ravi Pratap and Manju Singh have openly shamed Smriti alleging that the properties she took and the Kriti Chakra do not belong to her and should belong to his brother. The justification being that Smriti and Anshuman were only married for 5 months and did not have a child. 

It’s unfortunate how Indian parents reduce 8 years of relationship to just 5 months of nuptial bond because marriage is socially acceptable and love holds no importance. This statement is not just disheartening, but scary that years of bonding between a man and woman that’s considered sacred is simply replaced by a brother, if the man dies.

On the contrary, the Army is clear in its Next of Kin rule. In case of a new appointed soldier, the NOK is the parent, and after marriage the spouse supersedes them as NOK.  In Anshuman’s case also his will reflects that he wanted to divide the lump sum of one crore halfway between his parents and his wife, and the pension to go to his wife. Smriti is not just a legal companion but was also a lover, they dreamt a future together and reducing all of that to a debate of who deserves the bigger part of the martyr’s money is vicious. 

Smriti maintaining her dignity has remained silent and hasn’t spoken to any media houses. But it is actually the society that is answerable to her. How can the India society put a martyr’s wife in a virtual courtroom? Have we lost all our sense of respect while treating the women of our nation? 

What’s disappointing but not shocking is that widows in our country are still judged on how she carries her widowhood, how she covers herself, and what she owes to her in-laws. 

Our nation has yet again failed its women.