Confessions Of A Young Adult
Confessions Of a
Young Adult
August 16, 1:30pm.
The week has just begun, and yet another week of
monotony. It’s been over 2 months or maybe more I’ve not written any blog, I do
have some topics in my mind, but then I’m too tired and exhausted to even open
my laptop on weekends. So, what makes me write a blog (with such a title) on a
Monday, when I’m actually suppose to work. Yeah, I know if I do not start on time I’ll
have a tough time on Friday night, but yet I’m here writing all these. Okay,
let me come straight to the point, I am, no I feel hopeless, confused,
irritated and frustrated. Can anyone relate to me? I hope you do not, I just
hope all of you who are reading this is completely sorted and at peace.
NOT SO FEEL-GOOD FEELING
What does it feel like when everything around you seems
to be falling apart? Rather what do you do? Generally, people say, it’s just a
phase, everything would fall in place and things would get fine at the end of
the day. I too believe this, but the journey from feeling devastated to ‘everything’s
great’ is a long one. You know just like the journey from Monday to Friday, you
want it to get over asap but it just doesn’t. It is about trying too, trying to
make things alright. But what if all that you do seems like a blackhole, the
more you try, the deeper you go into the pit. Do I sound too pessimistic? Well,
I’m sure everyone of us have gone through this phase and it is fine, I guess.
But I’m not that philosophical too, so statements like, “Everything happens for
a reason” don’t really make me feel better. I believe what happens to us, is a
result of what we do. I do not really have the habit of writing about myself on
public, but then it’s my blog so let me just take this liberty to vent it out.
LOST IN MIND
Not trying to sound too dramatic, but do you ever have
that feeling when you have no idea what to do with yourself or the things
around you? All paths look closed, trapped in an endless vicious cycle of dilemma
and helplessness. Okay, let me make one thing clear, I’m not sad, I won't even
use the word ‘depressed’. Millennials and social media have trivialized words
like ‘anxiety’, ‘depression’ and ‘overthinking’…. So, making it clear, I’m not
depressed not even sad. I’m just clueless, lost!
Though I make a point to do whatever I love, people
who know me are familiar with the fact that, I regularly dance, strum on my new
ukulele, have the best time of the week with my friends. So, yeah, I’m good.
But there’s this thing, it’s a feeling to be precise.
It’ll be too much if I start pouring out my problems
here, I’d rather make some general statements.
A time when your job gets monotonous, you feel like doing
something more creative and get into a new place, explore a new city, live life
on your own terms, independently, enjoy your love life, spend some time with
your partner and friends. Don’t we all want these? But then job applications
that doesn’t go through, attend interviews that go great but never hear back
from them, “unfortunately, we will not proceed with your application” is the mail
that I receive, and the endless rejections. Learn from your rejections they
say, these are lessons. But saying this is almost like, saying “Drink water” to
a person who is crying, that is, you don’t exactly know what to say and how
they feel.
I’m not asking something like ‘Yeh Jawaani Hai Deewani’
or ‘Zindagi Naa Milegi Dobara’. Going to Manali, or Spain is not even in my
list (actually, I don’t have that much money tbh), all I want is to get away
from my home, figure out what I want, manage my own expenses, cook for myself (I
would end up eating sandwiches and egg Maggi) but still. Is it too much to ask
for?
Another thing, I love my parents we all do, but I am
sure everyone would agree to the idea that Indian homes and privacy doesn’t go
together, just like pineapple and pizza, puhleez, don’t even try to change my
mind. So, I do want to get away from my home and live alone. Unfortunately, you
can’t even explain the kind of internal problems you are facing to your parents,
cause well, welcome to communication gap. All in all, life is full on ‘mera
chain wain sab ujra’.
TO LOVE…AND NEVER NOT TO LOVE
The cherry on the cake is, I fell in love, feels amazing
right! Okay, I fell in love during the pandemic!! How does it feel now??! But
then matters of the heart, difficult to understand. I once heard in a web
series, that ‘falling in love is easy, but staying in love requires you to be
stubborn.’ True indeed, cause the cakewalk and everything’s red and beautiful
ends in the first few months, then enters the reality check. That is when it’s
the most difficult to stay together. I often get suggestions where people make it
so simple for me, they say, “If it’s good stay together, If it’s not then
better you part your ways.” Like, thank you I did not know that.
But then it isn’t easy, it’s not easy to stay together
being miles away, but what’s more difficult is to part ways with that one
person. There’s a time when everything feels just too overwhelming to take, but
that one moment when you imagine a day without hearing that person’s voice literally,
breaks your heart and you decide to hold on. So, I’ve decided to hold on too,
but the days when you keep trying, isn’t easy. Nobody said its gonna be easy
though.
But, hey, life’s good. I am getting paid in the pandemic,
which is pretty great. Hope to leave home by next year, which reminds me it’s
2022 in 4 months :/ I’ve got my constants with me, one conference call, one
video call, a Sunday brunch, a few jamming sessions, and all’s good. The
creative cell in my brain is fortunately still working, I get great choreography
ideas. And regarding my love life, well no matter what I’m sure about one
thing, that whatever might me we can always talk. Despite the “Ekta Kapoor
level drama” at home, a gossip session with granny and mom is still mandatory.
So, I guess it is just a phase, and it’ll pass too.
Till then, I really need to find a place to cry at home, no matter wherever I
cry one of my parents show up. Any ideas guys?!
❤❤❤❤
ReplyDelete